Alright, while I know I have neglected my "responsibility" to keep this updated and current. I also know that I have seen, heard, and experienced a lot that I could drone on about. Ultimately, I just have a few things to write (as I should be studying right now).
1- When I say I should be studying, unlike in undergrad or at Iowa, now it is true (even though that is all I say)
2- Anatomy lab is strange - I don't think I have "coped" with the reality of it enough, give me a call, I'll tell you all about it.
3- School is amazing, and I love it all.
4- The real reason for this post follows:
Today I was shadowing one of my many mentors, an anesthesiologist and pain med doc, at the VA. It was very interesting to see a trigger point injection procedure, a RFA procedure (I think), and 2 straight anesthesia cases. I even got to intubate a patient (don't say that too loud, I am pretty sure you aren't allowed to touch patients till 3rd year). Anyway, during a lul in the excitement, the resident asked me why I chose medicine. I was understandably taken off guard since I have not thought about that since my last interview. I breifly coughed and thought... "hmm, the interview answer isn't going to work here, why am I here?" At this point, the attending doc said, "isn't it strange that we are desperately trying to spend less on healthcare while simultaneously trying to spend more on every consumer product available? Is healthcare a right?" I chuckled and answered the original question by saying that it is very fascinating, exciting, and challenging." As of right now, I don;t even believe that - it was almost as bad as answering a question with a question. Throughout the day I also heard (multiple times), "Oh, a first year? It isn't too late to turn back!" (ha ha ha, thanks guys)
So, my real answer to the question... Do I really know? Of course I do, it is just a matter of putting it in the right words. I don't think I have any idealistic fantasy notions about medicine. Truthfully, I do want to be a doctor because it is challenging, exciting, and interesting. However, I love to learn too - school is fun. I guess what I am trying to type, even though I can't get to it, is that I love the journey. It is a blast being an M-1. It is insane and hard and stressful beyond belief, but I love it. I am not going to be a doctor (Editor's note: I have never said that outloud before, or written it... I am going to be a doctor ;-) )in spite of the training and grueling road that takes me there, I am going to be a doctor because I love the journey and I am having a blast every step of the way.
Alright, I'm cutting it off there- it is late, so maybe my delerium explains this philisophical rant. Maybe my wife will even delete it shortly, but to me, it all makes sense. Time to study.
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